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I neither own "House M.D." nor "Fix you" by Coldplay.
This story takes place during "Honeymoon". Thanks a lot to my beta karaokegal. You're great!!
Fix you (House M.D.)
“I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone. I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. It's okay. I'm happy for you.
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
Allison Cameron sat in the conference room. Thanks to House, Mark Warner was on his way to recovery, most of his care being done by the nursing staff. She had finished her clinic hours. Chase and Foreman were gone. House was probably still down in the clinic, watching his Ex and her husband. Or he had gone home and was drowning his sorrows in Vodka and Vicodin. Part of her found the idea of doing the same thing quite appealing (minus the Vicodin of course). But why bother? She would only wake up hung over, pitying herself and longing for the man she could never have. Cameron had planned to do some paper work, but quickly gave up. She couldn’t focus on anything but House. She sat alone lost in her thoughts.
Cameron had fallen in love with her boss a long time ago. She had seen something behind the cynical mask he showed the world. There were fleeting moments when she found such a deep sadness in his eyes, that Cameron wanted nothing but to hold House tight and comfort him. With no knowledge of the pain’s source, her first instinct had been to heal. Now she knew what had caused his pain. And she felt silly for not figuring it out earlier. She of all people should be able to recognize the pain of unrequited love in the eyes of somebody else. Now that Cameron had seen House with Stacy, she knew that she had failed to gain his love. She had never had a chance. The man she loved had already given his heart to another woman.
When you get what you want, but not what you need
Gregory House stood on "his" roof again. He needed some time alone to think. Stacy had been the first and only woman he had ever loved and it had scared him to death. He had never been good at letting people in. His father had been a complete jerk who had humiliated him whenever he got a chance. And his mother had just stood by and watched. He hated him and he had lost the respect for her. He didn’t know if he had consciously decided to become a cynical misanthrope. It didn’t matter anyway. This way of living had worked fine for him. Until he met Stacy. He had been happy with her before she had betrayed him. That is the perfect way to teach an old cynic trust in the human race. What made him furious was that he had allowed himself to trust Stacy. He had authorized her to make medical decisions for him and she had disappointed him. In the time after his infarction he had been unspeakably cruel to her, even by his standards. He was punishing her of course, but his other - and more important - reason for acting like an ass was that he needed proof that he could still trust Stacy. He had to know if her love was strong enough to stand by him, no matter how moody he was. And he had gotten his answer. Stacy had tried for a few months to live with his anger and ended up leaving when he needed her most.
House allowed his thoughts to flow freely. Before he realized it they were drifting to another woman. A woman who had never disappointed him, who had stuck by him come what may. House had done what he could to push her away. He had tried his hardest to make her hate him. House had resisted the temptation to let her in.
If he allowed himself to fall in love with Cameron she would leave him as soon as she realized that he wasn't the man of her dreams. House had hurt his young employee on purpose again and again hoping to convince her that he could never love her. Now he had what he wanted. She had set him free. But he didn't feel victorious or relieved. He felt just empty.
House didn’t notice the darkness falling. His leg started to throb and it was getting a little chilly. But he wasn't ready to go home. Nothing waited for him there. He slowly climbed down the stairs from the roof and took the elevator to his office. He could listen to his I-Pod or play with his Gameboy and maybe make some people believe he was actually doing overtime. Would Cuddy pay him extra if enough people told her that they saw him at his office late? It was worth a try.
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Cameron felt exhausted. It was getting late and her day had been straining, both physically and emotionally. She should go home and get some rest, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep. Images of House longingly watching Stacy were going to haunt her. There was no thinking about getting Gregory House out of her head long enough to fall asleep. So she just stared out of the large window in the conference room and allowed her mind to relive the meaningful moments between her and her boss.
Stuck in reverse
Sometimes Cameron was sure House felt something for her. She had lived for those little moments when House let down his guard. Cameron remembered last years Christmas, when House had left her a present on the desk. Or the night he took her to the monster truck rally. She had been so sure that he liked her, because of the way he smiled at her this evening. Cameron focused on the deep sadness in House's eyes when he asked why she liked him and the look he gave her after she had told him that she was resigning. These moments had built her hopes up. Now it had been destroyed. Tears were building in her eyes, before she even noticed. She had no energy to wipe them away. When the tears come streaming down your face
House was surprised to see light in the diagnostics office. Pleased to have a new puzzle, if only a minor one, he sneaked into his office without turning on the lights and peeked through the large window that separated his office and the conference room. He could see Cameron's face from the side. She sat at the large table and looking out of the window deep in thought and obviously unaware that she was being watched. Encouraged by her lack of alertness House stepped closer towards the window to get a better view. What was she doing here that late? It wasn't until House was standing directly in front of the window, that he saw the silent tears stream down her beautiful face. To his surprise, Gregory House caught himself feeling emotions he always proudly claimed not to know: guilt and compassion. He knew that Cameron was crying because of him and for a moment he felt the urge to just go over and take her in his arms. He made a step towards the door, but stopped himself.
When you lose something you can't replace
Once the dam burst, Cameron couldn't stop her tears. The realization that House didn't return her feelings had shattered something deep inside her and she knew that a part of her would never get over him.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
House stood at the door for another minute, trying to decide what to do. His heart told him to go over to Cameron and tell her that she'd been wrong about him not being able to love her. Wait! Was he really thinking that she was wrong?
If somebody had asked him an hour ago who was the woman he wanted he would have given him Stacy's name (alright, he probably would have told him to fuck off, but he would have thought Stacy's name). He had wanted her back since she left him five years ago. But, now that he saw Cameron crying because of him, he realized that something had changed recently. Her tears didn't leave him cold. But there was absolutely no way he would go inside there and make a fool of himself by saying some romantic nonsense and making promises he couldn’t keep. House couldn't stand to look at Cameron's tear-stained face anymore and decided to leave, feeling like the biggest ass in the world. He made a step away from the window between them, but was rooted to the spot when Cameron suddenly looked up and her surprised eyes met his. They stared at each other for a moment, until Cameron realized that House had probably noticed the tears in her eyes despite the scarce illumination. Embarrassed, Cameron averted her eyes and stood up, hastily making her way towards the door.
House knew, if he let her go now, he would lose her forever. Cameron would avoid him from now on. Maybe she would even resign. She couldn't tell him that she could deal with his rejection and was over him, not after he had seen her cry. House didn't know what he would say or what would happen if he talked to Cameron right now. He just knew he couldn't let her go.
Could it be worse?
When Cameron opened the door to the conference room, House stood in front of her, preventing her from leaving.
"House, please. Let me go. Leave me at least that much dignity." Cameron tried to escape avoiding the gaze of her boss. But he wouldn't let her go.
"I'm not going to humiliate you, Cameron. I... Damn, Cameron will you just look at me?"
Cameron slowly lifted her head, surprised by House's obvious nervousness. "Are you alright?" she asked concerned.
"No, I'm not alright. I’ve figured out that feelings don't go away if you scare them enough. To bad. It always works with people.”
Cameron could hear the bitterness in his tone and it hurt her to see House longing that much for another woman, but she still felt the need to comfort him.
"I'm sorry for you. It must be hard to see Stacy with another man."
House sighed angrily. "You know, when I hired you I thought you were a quick thinker. But right now you're competing with Chase."
Cameron looked at him confused.
"I'm not talking about Stacy.” When she didn't say anything, House sighed again. "You might have noticed that I spent most of the time we know each other with pushing you away. I thought it was the best for both of us and probably we'll soon see that it is. But right now it is only making both of us miserable."
Cameron needed a moment to process what House had just said. "House, are you trying to say that you have feelings for me?"
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
House wanted to answer with one of his sarcastic remarks, but when he saw the vulnerability in Cameron's hopeful eyes, he decided to be serious. He had to do something, anything to make this hurt look in her eyes disappear.
"Yes, that's what I'm trying to say. When I saw you crying, I felt bad. I want to do something to make you feel better. I think that means something, because normally I don't care how other people feel. But I care about you."
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
Cameron thought she must have heard him wrong. House couldn’t be saying these things. Not after she had finally accepted that he could never love her. But a huge part of her still hoped that this wasn’t one of his games.
“House, you told me you didn’t even like me.” was all she could say.
House stepped closer. He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin.
Cameron felt new tears in her eyes. This was more then she had ever expected. She knew House far to well to expect a declaration of love by him. A glance in his face told her everything he hadn't said. She saw so much tenderness and vulnerability in his face that it made her heart melt. She had no illusions about a relationship with House being anything like “happily ever after”. He would continue making her furious countless times and he would probably hurt her from time to time. But when she looked in his eyes now, Cameron knew that she would never be over House. Without a word, Cameron started gently stroking his cheeks with her fingertips.
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
The mere touch of her fingertips created a feeling like liquid fire rushing through him. For one moment, House considered ending this while he still had a modicum of self-control. But he knew he wouldn't win this fight. He had already admitted to himself and to her that she was what he wanted. If he had needed another encouragement to actually act on his feelings, it was the feeling her fingers were creating on his skin. He forgot about all his doubts and kissed Cameron long and sensually.
"I want you" he said.
"Let's go to your office." Cameron whispered, letting him know he wouldn’t be hurt or rejected this time. Lights will guide you home
House took her hand and guided her to his office. He left her side for a moment to search his cupboard for the blanket he kept there. House took it out and spread it on the floor. He wanted Cameron to be comfortable. Touched by his gesture, she let him pull her to the floor with him.
They’d barely resumed their passionate kissing, when House started undoing the buttons of Cameron’s shirt, never stopping for oxygen. Once the shirt was gone, House swiftly unclasped her bra. He took a moment to enjoy the view causing Cameron to blush. House reached out to gently caress her breasts causing Cameron to moan out load.
The combined sensation of her soft breasts in his hand, her flushed cheeks and the deep moans his actions elicited in her was incredible arousing. House loved seeing her respond to his touch. He felt the urge to give her more pleasure than anybody ever had hoping to make up for the rejections in the past and the inescapable disappointments in the future.
"Tell me about your fantasies." he told her.
Cameron opened her eyes in surprise and looked at him "My fantasies?"
House leered at her shocked face. "Yes, your fantasies. Tell me about what you think when you touch yourself. And don't try to tell me that you never did."
Cameron blushed even more and tried to look away. House put a finger under her chin to prevent her from averting her eyes.
"You know, I seriously doubt that you can shock me." And ignite your bones
Cameron took a deep breath and tried to form coherent sentences while House continued his attention to her breasts.
"I think about you." she confessed shyly. "I close my eyes and when I start touching myself I imagine my fingers are yours."
House smiled and laid her down on the blanket and helped her removing her pants and underwear. When he started slowly caressing Cameron’s wet folds her eyes fluttered shut and she sighed blissfully. "Go on." House asked her.
Cameron couldn't believe that she was speaking about her sexual fantasies to the man had she craved for what seemed like forever. It was intoxicating. "I imagine you rubbing me."
“Where Allison? Where do you want me to touch you?” His fingers moved nearer to her clit, without ever touching it. He obviously knew exactly where she wanted to be touched. But Cameron knew he wouldn’t stop the burning inside her before she said what she wanted.
“I imagine you rubbing my clit” she managed to say. Her desire was stronger then her modesty. She needed him to touch her there and she needed it now. House didn't disappoint her. He stroked her most sensitive spot with the lightest possible touch, teasing her. When she was on the verge of screaming out her frustration he started circling and rubbing. Somehow he knew exactly how much pressure he had to make her go insane.
Growing bolder, Cameron continued confessing her fantasies without further encouragement. "I imagine you using your tongue on me."
"You are a very bad girl, aren’t you Alison?” His words said she was bad, but his tone said he was very pleased with her. Slowly he bent his head and placed a line of kisses from her stomach to the soft curls between her thighs, never stopping to rub her clit. Cameron inhaled sharply when he felt House's breath on her folds. A second later he had replaced his finger with the tip of his tongue and started licking her. "Greg" she moaned lifting her hips to give him better access. House must have sensed how close she was. He closed his mouth firmly over her clit and started sucking hard. That was more than Cameron could take. A sudden wave of heat filled her as though all her blood was rushing into her core. "Oh god, oh god!" Cameron gasped when her build up desire erupted in a powerful orgasm.
And I will try to fix you
House felt very proud with himself when he watched Cameron in her afterglow. Her eyes were shut, her cheeks flushed and her breathing still heavy. She was lying besides him in all her naked glory. But his eyes were resting on her face. She had never looked more beautiful or more vulnerable. In this moment, House wanted nothing more than to justify the trust she had showed him in the past.
Cameron's body felt totally limp, but her mind was racing. A mass of conflicting emotions overcame her. Cameron was thrilled, that her feelings for House had finally been returned. But in her current position - lying naked and flustered in front of him - she felt also more vulnerable than she had ever had. She had gotten a taste of what she had craved since the day she first met Greg House and she knew she couldn't bear another rejection after that.
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
House picked up on the sudden change in Cameron's demeanor. She was still lying in front of him motionless and with closed eyes. But her body was starting to clench. House gently wiped the sweaty hair out of Cameron's face. "Open your eyes." he requested in an uncharacteristic soft tone.
Hesitantly she opened her eyes and met his gaze. What House saw in her eyes was a mixture of love and fear that made him feel guilty again. Did she really expect him to turn her down now? House bent over Cameron and caressed her cheek.
"I can't promise that I will never hurt you again, but I promise that I won't do it intentionally. I'll try my best not to mess this up. I wish I could promise you more, because that would be what you deserve."
Cameron smiled widely and sat up. "That’s good enough for me. You are all I need.” She said and kissed him gently. “And I will try every day to make you happy starting now. You've got way too many clothes on" she said with a wicked grin.
House returned her grin and removed his jacket and shirt in record time. Impatiently, Cameron unzipped his jeans and removed them along with his boxers. Cameron gave him a left smile when she started teasing him with her fingertips. "So, Dr. House, what about your fantasies?" House swallowed. Cameron’s fingers on his erection were driving him crazy. "I see you're a quick learner. But all of my fantasies involve you tied up and covered in honey. So we'll have to play it by ear."
"Sounds good to me" Cameron answered.
To House's surprise and utter delight, Cameron bent her head and started licking the tip of his cock teasingly. Just when House thought he couldn’t take it anymore, she took his erection in her mouth, sucking on the tip and massaging his balls simultaneously. She took him deeper in her mouth and started sucking harder. Cameron moved her fingers to apply pressure to the base of his cock. House closed his eyes and groaned in pleasure. She was incredible.
"God Allison, you have to stop this now or we won't make it to home base tonight." Cameron grinned, obviously pleased with her work. "I hate sports metaphors." she responded, releasing him and positioning herself in his lap. Cameron bent over to kiss him deeply and House found himself responding with unrestrained passion.
Lights will guide you home
"I need you inside of me." Cameron moaned as soon as they broke the kiss. The feeling of his erect penis so close was too much for her and she knew she couldn’t wait any longer. "I've needed you for so long." "What's stopping you?" House groaned, gripping her buttocks firmly and pulling her closer. Cameron guided him inside her and he entered her with one firm stroke, causing them both to moan out loud. Cameron was overwhelmed by the feeling of finally having House inside her. She had imagined this moment countless times. The romantic in her had always imagined House to love her slowly and sensually. But now she was too aroused to take it slow. The need to erase that ache inside her was too strong. She barely took the time to adjust, before she started to move above him at a frenzied pace.
And ignite your bones
House groaned and shut his eyes. He had never expected his quiet and restrained Cameron to be that passionate. It didn't take long until both of them were lost in ecstasy. Cameron grabbed House shoulders firmly, when she felt her orgasm built. She desperately needed something to hold onto. "Greg, I’m gonna come!" Cameron gasped. Before he had time to respond, House felt her tighten around him, moaning his name. The feelings of her walls contracting around him sent House over the edge, too and he buried his head in her hair to muffle a scream.
And I will try to fix you
Cameron collapsed onto House chest, breathing heavily. She enjoyed just lying there, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his hand drawing lazy circles on her back. Neither of them spoke and House didn’t know how long they were lying there. For the first time in years, he had allowed himself to let his guard down completely and he didn’t feel scared about it.